listening and understanding

Somebody once said to me, “You can’t understand how I am feeling as you have never been in this position.”  How very true those words are.  Nobody can understand what another person is going through unless you have experienced the same situation first hand.

Nobody can say how they would react in a situation. When we think about how we would react to a particular situation and what we would do or say, we are thinking about it in a calm and rational manner, without the fear, the grief, the frustration and the panic of what is actually happening.

It’s the fear, the panic, the grief and the frustration which changes how you think you would react.  We can only relate to how we  think we might deal with a situation.

Any parent who has a child missing, will understand the grief, the fear, the guilt that Kate and Gerry McCann feel day in and day out.  Time does not heal, all time does is make things less raw, it lets you become accustomed to those feelings and numbs you to them.  It never lets you forget.

To understand certain things, you do have to be in a situation, and one situation I can relate to is the nastiness that is written down on the internet about myself and my family.

Whilst I was cocooned in the ideology that the McCann’s were guilty, at all costs, I could not see the wood for the trees. People around me, I think unintentionally, led me to believe that the nastiness written about me was because of my views and nothing more.  I was being told by some, it was bullying tactics and not to allow it to affect me. I was being told it is being done so that you give up.

But you can’t just forget about it and ignore it, when you see things in black and white written about the people you love. Things you know are untrue, things that are written down that are libellous and defamatory and no matter what others tell you, it does affect you, it makes you angry. Unfortunately it is that anger that some people tap into at times to stop you thinking of the real reasons why this is happening to you.

And when you take all the frills and ribbons off of what is happening and get down to the basics the simple reason why people are doing this is because of what you are doing, what you are saying.  Your words are hurting another, the lies and myths you believe and what you are promoting are hurting others.

It is one thing to to disagree with someone, but it is a whole new ball-game when you start to perpetrate and enforce one myth after another and pass them off as fact.  Because that is what is being done on a daily basis.  Forum myths are being passed off as fact.

It is only by being away from things, thinking for oneself without the influence or input from other people, that you start to understand things.  You start to see things clearly, you start to understand the reasons why.

I was helping to promote an ideology that the parents of a missing child were responsible for what happened to her. They made a mistake, but does that exempt you from helping someone? No it doesn’t. For instance if someone accidentally left the gate opened and their dog run away, would you say, “Sorry you were negligent, find your own dog.” or would you be a decent human being and help immediately without thinking who is right and who is wrong.

If you are a caring person, you would think of that dog’s interest and bringing that dog back into the safety of it’s owners and away from the danger of roads and cars that could harm that dog.  One thing you wouldn’t do is make the dog pay for the owner’s mistake.  And that is what I feel is happening  now in the case of the disappearance of Madeleine McCann, people are sacrificing helping Madeleine in order to attack her parents.

Like I said you have to experience something to understand, and now I can understand why all those nasty comments were written about my family.  They wanted to make me feel how I was making the parents of a missing child feel. And to be perfectly honest, I can now understand why.

When I now witness, the rabid comments and unfounded accusations about the parents of a missing child, it makes me cringe.  It makes me feel sick inside.  To be honest, in a way, I am grateful to those people who attacked and wrote those nasty comments, because they made me realise how hurtful I was being to a couple who I don’t even know.  How stupid I was being for ignoring the facts and basing my opinions, not on what is written in the files, but on the words of an ex-detective, who we were led to believe was the only truth-seeker for Madeleine McCann.

How could I profile Kate and Gerry McCann, speak of their characters when I didn’t even know them and have not even been in their company or spoken to them?  I simply couldn’t.

Through Kate’s book, reading it with an unbiased mind, personally I got to see the real Kate McCann, the wife, the mother, the daughter.  I learnt about her longing and yearning to be a mother, I learnt how the disappearance of her child and the guilt she carries on a daily basis, was so intense at first that it made her feel it was a sin and wrong to enjoy a moments pleasure.  And I got to learn about her humour, her wit and her determination against all odds.

I learnt that this woman and her husband, who for so many years I had criticised, were not ogres and definitely not people to be offered up for armchair detectives to sit their day in and day out trying to psychoanalysis and to use as a scapegoat for what happened to Madeleine; but she and her husband were real people, with real feelings and real people who are living every day with the yearning and longing for their daughter to be found.

No matter what you think of Kate and Gerry McCann, one thing nobody has the right to libel and defame them, accuse them of heinous crimes without proof. Perhaps, the old saying of “If you can’t say anything good about someone, then say nowt.” is very appropriate at times.

But one thing this experience has taught me, is how to put myself in other people’s shoes and to understand why they do things that don’t seem right at first.  And it is only by doing that simple task that I can now begin to understand why they would try and stop people from promoting the idea that they are complicit in their daughters disappearance and why they want to stop people promoting the ideology that Madeleine McCann is dead.  Because you see, I think I would do the same, if it was my child.  If I knew I played no part in what happened, then I would want those people to stop accusing me.  I would want them to stop hindering the search for my child, and if I knew the only way to achieve this is legally then I would do that.

The likes of Goncalo Amaral, Tony Bennett and Pat Brown, do not have the right to stand in judgement of people.  They are not judge, jury and executioner of people.  That is why we have a judicial system, where you are innocent until proven guilty.  A judicial system where you don’t have to prove your innocence, but the prosecution have to proof your guilt in the form of evidence in order to show a jury you are guilty of the crimes mentioned and you are guilty beyond a shadow of doubt.

With all due respect to Goncalo Amaral, he might have been only the co-ordinator, but it is obvious from the Police files, that there were failures at grass-root level.  Failures that snowballed from the moment the first police officers arrived.  And as co-ordinator surely his job would have been to make sure that those initial failures never re-occurred and to make sure the investigation was conducted in a professional manner, which when you read the files you soon realise that mistakes were happening day after day and continued to happen right up until his removal.

Many people on the internet, especially twitter are shouting about the Fund being used for legal fees.  Well to be honest, I can now understand why they use the Fund.  You see people get suckered in to believing a person, whether they be Goncalo Amaral, Tony Bennett or Pat Brown.  These people then get a following and it doesn’t take much for their ramblings to be be believed by others.

Pat Brown is now talking about appearing on Radio Shows, shows that are broadcast to many.  Now once she hits the airwaves, her loyal followers will believe everything she says, without questioning.  They will not even attempt to find out if she is speaking the truth, they will take her word as granted and then preach what she has said.  And as those inaccuracies are broadcast people then take them as gospel and stop looking for a missing child.  They write that child off as dead and the parents were complicit.  They don’t bother to research and find that Pat Brown’s book is not even resourced by the Police Files.

Hence this puts the McCann’s in a precarious situation, do they waste money stopping her and others or do they ignore?  And to be honest they know to ignore them will result in people saying, “It must be true otherwise the McCanns would have done something about it.”

And now this ideology that is being broadcast is being turned into an Investigation Team and Pat Brown is asking for funds to set this up.  An investigation team that will look into the disappearance of Madeleine McCann.  Well in my opinion the only people who can investigate the disappearance of Madeleine McCann are the Police, the boys in blue. And definitely not some vigilante group being disguised as an Investigation Team.

For those that are sitting on the fence, unsure which way to jump, I say this.  Just for a minute put yourself in the McCann’s shoes, do you stop these idiots promoting and enforcing the idea your child is dead or do you ignore and let the momentum of your child is dead gather more strength?

If anybody is making the Madeleine Fund waste money on lawyers, in my opinion, it is the groups of people who are claiming to be pro-active truth-seekers, who many people will see as nothing but vigilantes, forcing the McCann family into having to take action and forcing them into draining the Fund of its worth.

I can see history repeating itself, especially with Hackgate and its revelations, that some of the Met Police might have been corrupt.  People will over emphasise this and led others into thinking it is the whole of the Met and all Police Officers that are corrupt instead of just a handful.  When the inquiry into Hackgate ends I suspect there will only be a handful of people, if that, held accountable.  Just think of the number of Police employed by the Met, it is well over 32,000 officers and that is not including PCSO’s.  If only 5 officers are found to be corrupt that is just 0.015625% of officers.  And that is if it transpires that it was actual Police Officers involved; when you add the following figures in for all those employed by the Met that percentage lowers.

Met Police Figures

Of course, naturally, as far as misinformation goes, and the way others have the tendency to embellish things in order to get the point across, it won’t be long before the whole of the UK Police Force is corrupt and there are no worthy officers in the land. Already it is starting, with the questioning of whether the team designated in Scotland Yard to review the Madeleine McCann case are fit to do their job.

But one thing I have learnt apart from understanding, is that there are certain people out there that will debunk anything or try to, when it comes to the getting to the truth of what happened to Madeleine McCann.  They will not and they refuse to accept that they could be wrong in all their assumptions and the truth is Madeleine McCann is a missing child, not one that is classed as dead, but missing.  And a child whose parents played no role in her fate and what happened to her.

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