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My Change of Heart

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Oh yes I have changed my mind

Many have commented about my change of heart on the McCann case and whether my change of heart is genuine. Well I would love to answer those that are doubting me but to do that I will have to explain way back to last year.

As many of you know from the Headlines Blog I created, as a family, we are proud owners of a Tibetan Mastiff, well one night he was taken ill. Back in July 2010 we spent a good couple of weeks living on tenterhooks as to whether our dog would have to be put down due to possible cancer or whether the growths removed from him were benign and most of all worrying if he would get back to full health.

Those days were horrible to live through, my god I felt so helpless, so tearful and even now thinking back to those days, I can still cry at those painful memories and knowing that eventually we will have to say goodbye and Bo will go to rainbow bridge.

God was on our side back then and we still have our little boy – well he’s not so little really – here with us and we are still sharing those wonderful times together.

Back last year when I posted about what we were going through, people who I never thought would give me the time of day, posted on Headlines blog and wished him all the best. People showed me compassion, every crossed word seemed to vanish and those people who posted did so because they cared.  They will never know how much those comments helped and to them I will be eternally grateful.

I started to see a side to people who up until that time I had never seen.  People who I was convinced were out to cause me harm, were now offering me comfort and support. As I look back to those days now I can begin to understand what these people were really fighting for, they were fighting for the right of Madeleine to be classed as a missing child and the right of the one rule we should all live by, that being a person is “Presumed innocent until proven guilty”.  Those who in the past had never agreed with my views were there to offer me support,  they were there to show me compassion and empathy and every day would ask how Bo was doing.  I saw a kindness that made me feel warmth and comfort. Forums wars, being anti or pro was all forgotten, all that mattered to them was the fact that an animal was ill and they wanted to offer their sympathies and offer their best wishes.

Well 2010 wasn’t a good year for us, we got the dog back to full health and then my mum wasn’t well again.  It seemed as if my life was turning into nursemaid and carer. Thankfully mum’s illness was not severe and within a few days she started to feel better and I could get back to reality.  Oh never tempt fate!

I had about 2 months of illness free and everyone fit and then bugger me if I didn’t get a frozen shoulder.  Now that is painful and sometimes catches your breath and the amount of things I broke, due to dropping them, was no man’s business.

Well October arrived and I still wasn’t feeling right so I made that call to the doctors.  Well yes he gave me the tablets to ease the sciatica (yes that started to play up too) and my frozen shoulder, then politely told me that my blood pressure was higher than it should be. You guessed it I was told, “Go home and rest and come back in a couple of days and if it’s not any lower by then I will prescribe tablets”.

Well to cut a long story short the medication caused a bad reaction and I was taken ill and as Christmas was fast approaching with only a few weeks to go, I was still being told to go home and rest as they could not control the blood pressure.  Go home and rest, I felt too ill to do anything, at times.  Sometimes I felt that I  couldn’t breathe and it felt as if I was gasping for air.  I felt as if all I wanted to do was get more air and and had the feeling of constantly wanting to sigh but not being able to manage it, just to get more oxygen in my lungs.  I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep and gradually feeling worse every day.

I was more in the doctor’s surgery and local hospital than I was anywhere else.  Prodded, poked, starved and totally fed up as Christmas was just a few weeks away and I hadn’t got a thing in or a present for anyone.  One test after another, and the night times were the worse as I was now getting panic attacks at the thought of not being able to breathe properly.  The oxygen tests were fine,  and I had more diagnosis’s of what could possibly be wrong with me.

Well eventually, they realised by the various blood tests being taken that one of the tablets was affecting my stomach, liver and kidneys (well according to one set of blood test results) and totally disagreed with me.   My blood levels were way above what they should be and so they took me off of all the medication and started again.  Yes you’ve guessed it, it was the blood pressure pill.  So we spent the next couple of weeks, testing out every pill going until they found one that agreed with me.

And you’ve got it every time I went, I was told to rest, not get stressed and to take things easy.  So I decided to sit down and read, yes I read the Police files and then I read some more.  Christmas 2010 was just a blur, luckily my mother-in-law invited us for dinner and we went there.  Still not feeling 100 per cent but not as bad as I felt way back in October and November.

My lifeline was my laptop, I spent many hours reading the Police files and then reading them again.  Eventually after reading and analysing the forensic reports, countless statements and watching the dog videos it became evident to me that there was catastrophic blunders made in the investigation.  The Police in Portugal failed in so many aspects and their failure impacted on whether they would ever be able to capture the person that harmed Madeleine. The more I was reading the more I was thinking ‘Oh my god’.

We all know the blunders, but I had never realised how bad they were and the person who was suffering the most was none other than Madeleine McCann.  The more I read the more I started to think that Kate and Gerry McCann and their friends are innocent in this.  They are victims as well and even though their time-line are not 100% accurate, it proved to me that they could well be speaking the truth.  If everything the McCanns and their friends said had no flaws or discrepancies then it would have been evident that they had a script to work.

Of course it is only natural that people have said the files were out ages before that but when I was running the forum, a home and having my mum ill at times, I just skimmed most of the files and read the posts from members.  It was only when I read them thoroughly (and I still have not got all the way through them), and I started to tie things up with press reports did the realisation that the McCanns are not involved in what happened to their daughter finally dawn on me.

Naturally now, because my opinion has changed people have now decided that I am the ogre, I am not to be conversed with and I am unworthy of their friendship.  Well all I can say is what I posted on Facebook a few weeks ago:

To those whom it may concern. Well if you only wanted to be friends with me because I didn’t approve of the McCanns, then all I can say is thank f*ck you have unfriended me. Because if my opinion affects your friendship towards me, then all I can say is you weren’t much of a friend in the first place. True friends can have different opinions and still remain loyal friends. Others just act like kids.

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One comment on “My Change of Heart

  1. It takes the bigger person to change an opinion and tell everyone, especially based on all the research you did.  Those who unfriended you are not worth being friends with if they are not willing to even listen.  Well done you.

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